Updated: Aug 23, 2018
Hey Haute Stars, welcome back!! Thanks so much for taking the time to stop by. So where do I begin? The last few months have ben awesome. Even with things still a mess I have found joy in the midst of it all. I truly thank God for that because it is definitely all him. He’s definitely my source for everything joy, happiness, peace, the list goes on and I’m truly grateful!! I sat down the other day to reflect and realized that everything ‘ve gone through over the last 29 years (yes, whole life child lol) has all been a part of the process. From losing my husband and dealing with post-partum depression and suicidal thoughts to just being the “outcast” growing up; it all helped make me. I thought about the relationships that paused in my roughest season and realized that while I cried over what was on hold, God was simply teaching me the one thing I needed to learn to help carry me through the rest of my life, true and complete dependence on Him and Him alone. In this season of my life, the hardest season I’ve experienced so far, I “lost” the two people I always ran to when life got hard. My husband has been in my life for close to 17 years, he knows more about me than anyone; and my other best-friend is coming up right behind him at 16 years. These two people have been “gods” to me without me even realizing it. God stripped me of them and “lovingly” (definitely didn’t feel that way tho) led me to him instead. While their exits where different, they both left at the exact same time. During this time all I had was God and my family. This season showed me just how dependent on people I had become, while I was fooled into thinking I was very independent. When I had hard things happen and I could not call either of them, I had no choice but to pray. I had no choice but to run to God and not a man or a friend. Through this season I found a strength and a voice I never knew was possible to have and very necessary to maintain. I found freedom in trusting God and believing he would help me. I found joy in the midst of the pain and clarity about who I am in the midst of the confusion. Each day I wake realizing God’s love for me was bigger than my pain and better than my reality. As life has progressed and time has gone on, each relationship in one way or another has made a reentrance into my life. While I work to rebuild those relationships I remember nothing about the why’s of the fallouts or divorce. I only seek to move forward in love. I know that each situation was part of my process and I am grateful for what they gave me. I had to “lose” everything I placed higher than God to understand how life should truly be setup. They aren’t my everything, God is and I love it that way. I’m not bound by people’s opinions. I’m free to live life out loud how I see fit to glorify God. There’s a joy in that and I pray I never lose that again.
So yes it as all a part of my process, but my mistakes don’t have to become yours. Take this time to reflect on your life. Ensure there’s nothing you’ve placed higher than God. While I am grateful for my freedom, I can’t lie I wish I did not have to “lose” my family to find it. God will use whatever he has to, to get your attention. Once he’s captured you there’s no guarantee he’ll give you back the thing he took/used. Let my story be a light to you. Check your heart, check your spirit make sure God is higher than everything. It makes life better I promise, not easier but definitely better. Well as I continue to get back to me and realize more about this season in my life and my process I pray God continues to give me things to share to help someone else.
Until next time…. Keep God first and look for the beauty in your own lane, get in it, and enjoy the ride!! Love God, your neighbor, but don't forget to also love yourself!! In that order!! Be blessed!! 💋💋👸🏾👸🏾