Do You Love You?


Hey Hauties and welcome back to The Haute Way. I’m so grateful you stopped by. Today I wanted to ask if you love you? I know most people would say of course I love myself and with this self love moment going strong, most people are quick to say yes. But today I want to really examine what that really looks like.

As I was getting dressed yesterday, I thought about all I had been through in the past year and what I had learned. At the end of my stroll I realized that what I lacked before was a genuine love for De’Nita (myself). I wanted everyone else to love me but I did not even really love myself. After years of being picked on I learned to hate my uniqueness and when the one person (who wasn’t family) who’d always been there decided they no longer wanted to be, I had no more open left for love. In my broken state I had to confront every lie I ever told myself and heard from other people. I did not realize I was carrying years of self-hatred until I was the only one left to face. Yes I was surrounded by family but at the end of the day they could not help me, I had to do this myself. I had to look myself in the mirror (literally) and see beauty where I had come to believe ugliness lived. From my glasses to my hairy arms & legs I had to learn to love everything I grew to hate. I realized that my lack of real love for myself kept anyone else from being able to love me as well. From my experience, people can only love you to the extent you love yourself and are willing to except love from them. Even though I thought I was giving love, how could I expect people to trust my love for them if I did not even have love for myself? At the end of the day, no matter how hard everyone tried, until I loved me, their love would never really matter. I had to learn, that God’s love was enough and through God’s love for me, my love for myself was enough as well.

I spent 25 years living for people’s love and validation I was robbing myself of loving myself and enjoying life by my own terms. I had to loose everyone and everything that mattered to me to finally understand. Though I am able to see the blessing in the trial, I want to keep someone else from going the same route by sharing my story. Every flaw, every failure, every mistake, every issue, everything about you must be totally embraced by you before you can even truly accept someone else embracing everything about you. We can’t expect someone else to do for us what we won’t even do for ourselves. Learning to love yourself when you suffer from low self-esteem, depression, or any other mental/emotional issue is not easy, but for me when I learned to embrace the things that triggered those issues I was able to face them head on and find positives in them instead of negatives. In other words, when I questioned why I was depressed or why my self-esteem was low, and dealt with the rot issues I was able to kill the causes and therefore decrease the occurrences of the problems. I learned to see myself in a different light. Instead of being judgmental of myself and faced the issue instead of masking it.

Learning to love me really helped me see how I was affecting my own life, and not in a good way. I made it a point to be more positive than negative and to just be as true to me as possible. The most important thing for me was being able to be a better me in order to be a better mom. I want my princess to know that no matter what life throws at you, with God you can overcome it. I wanted so badly to be the version of me God called me to be so that she would have the example she needed to get through any situation in her life. This road is not always easy, but it is totally worth it.

Loving you is not about being conceited nor arrogant it is simply about true acceptance of who you are, flaws and all. So I ask you: DO YOU LOVE YOU? Please leave me your thoughts and comments below.

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